Did you hear about this? I did. The U.K. is leaving the European Union. That’s right, and I know more about this than anyone who voted for it. This seriously complex issue will bring lots of changes to our world, all of which I can predict now with complete conviction and precision. Don’t believe me? Here’s a link to the article I skimmed that told me this vote had apparently happened.

It will tell you everything I know about this topic, which is all you need to know. I read this source first and therefore have all the right information and have mastered my understanding of all the complexities of the issue. I do this with any hot-button issue that has ever existed, I’ve done my time. My knowledge on this and all subjects is profound and unwavering.

Did you hear about this? I did. Trump said something. Clinton, believe it or not, also said something. They have opinions, and I have opinions on their opinions. My opinions are right, but your opinions on my opinions are wrong. If I can’t find a reason to vote for a candidate, there’s no way you could have a good reason to. I say this despite the fact that our lives are completely different and we make judgments based upon our own individual values and priorities, because I can.

We might have common ground, but let’s not discuss it, because if we had enough common ground, you would know that I’m right and you’re not. There is no possibility that there’s something I may not have considered, or that the information I have on the topic could be incomplete.

Did you hear about this? I did. There’s been a shooting. Don’t even tell me why your take on this issue is important to you, because your take is different than mine, so I don’t need to listen to it. In fact, I’m going to tell you and everyone else that my plan on how we should tackle this issue is infallible. I know what I’m talking about, because I know what I’m talking about. There’s no room for your plan in my plan. Your plan is not my plan, so it’s a bad plan.

Don’t you understand that that’s how this works? I could write to my congressman or volunteer or donate money to the cause I support, but instead I’m preaching my opinion to my 900 Facebook friends who already made up their mind.

Did you hear about this? I did. Nothing has changed. I may have posted and tweeted and kicked and screamed and blown the house down, but nothing has changed. You and I still hate each other, people are still dead, and the UK is still leaving Europe.

I sent the Queen a strongly-worded DM. Why has nothing changed? I made my voice heard, didn’t I? That’s all I’m supposed to do, right? Why don’t people realize that I’m right? Why won’t anyone listen to me?

Published on July 9, 2016 at 12:11 pm