As the school year comes to a close, we must all be stoic as we leave behind our memories of 2013–14 and look forward to the future.

As a senior, looking forward means looking to a frighteningly Syracuse-less future, but this is not the case for most of you readers. And I happen to have a few ideas of what you younger students can, and should, look forward to. Mere guesses, really.

Life is unpredictable. Things are changing all of the time, and perhaps it is outrageous — foolish, even — for me to try and guess what’s going to happen. Especially here in Syracuse — a city that is positively budding with exciting changes all the time! Such a titan of industry, with upward mobility happening all the time.

Yet there are a few instances where certain patterns can be indicative of the future — much like how geologists can study seismographs to predict earthquakes. It’s not an exact science, but it can get pretty close. Without further ado, I give you my predictions for the 2014–15 scholastic year:

Prediction number one: Student Association will make a lot of speeches about how much they are changing within their own administration. A lot of photos will surface that show the members of SA in meetings of some sort  — perhaps behind a desk, appearing to do work. But trust me when I say you will never see a concrete product of this work, and your student life will continue 100 percent unaffected by the accomplishments or failures of SA. I may not know much, but I know this for sure.

My second prediction is that the Syracuse men’s basketball team will get a few great recruits, do really, really well during the regular season and then lose shamefully in the Big Dance. I don’t know what it is that makes me think this — it’s almost like I’ve seen it happen before. Maybe in a dream.

Also, it will never, ever win a game comfortably. It never made me breathe easily while I was an undergrad, and I’ll be damned if they stop causing heart attacks amongst the student body the year after I leave. Prepare for high blood pressure and hoarse throats the days after all the big match-ups.

I imagine that Syracuse Football will play aggressively mediocre ball and then we will all be relieved and excited when we hear they are bowl-eligible. Spoiler alert! It’s going to be the Pinstripe Bowl.

I’d love to make a prediction about the new chancellor, but I’ve gotta say, he’s a wily one. I totally thought his “dear diary” emails were going to stop after a few weeks this semester, but he has persisted valiantly. He’s either criminally insane and we’re all going to look back on his tenure here thinking, “we should have seen the tragic ending coming,” or he’s the real deal.

Only time will tell.

Finally, I’d like to go on record and predict that next year, Syracuse University will pick two headliners for Block Party. One will be some sort of electronic artist who’s only really socially relevant if you’re rolling so hard you can’t feel your teeth — or you can feel your teeth super tangibly — and the other will be a rapper so awful the success of their career has become somewhat of a universal enigma.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say Dada Life and Lil B for Block Party 2015.

I’d be nervous about making such bold predictions but if the last few years are any indicator, I fully predict to be batting 1.000 by the time May 2015 rolls around. Life can be a scary, unpredictable thing and so can college.

That’s why it’s comforting to know that some things really never change.

Published on April 23, 2014 at 10:55 pm