The end is finally in sight. They’re beginning to clear the debris and clean up the mess. The stories about the billions of dollars that have been spent will soon leave headlines and your television will return to its normal programming.

Yes, election season is almost over.

I just heard thousands of Newhouse students’ hearts break when they read that. Soon, the ballots will be counted, and no matter who wins, the news cycle will slowly return to the more mundane items: world hunger, new developments in the Middle East and, of course, Kim Kardashian’s newest outfit.

No more will political science majors be able to explain to you the difference between Mitt Romney’s and Barack Obama’s tie selection. Gone will be Twitter accounts of @PaulRyanGosling and @SilentJimLehrer. Clint Eastwood will be put in a home for delusional Hollywood stars, and Bill Clinton will go back to “not having sex” with interns.

The closest most of us get to politics in college is blindly agreeing with Obama while putting a stamp on our absentee ballot and letting it sit on our kitchen table until our parents remind us to mail it in. Our Student Association candidates, whom the average student can’t name, have to grab headlines with flash mobs.

Most political discussions end with “who cares, let’s drink.” I mean, the only reason anyone turned on the vice-presidential debate was for the drinking game. America’s future looks bright indeed.

I just really want to know what Obama’s ’fro would look like if he picked it out. Or — if elected — would Mitt Romney let Paul Ryan turn the vice-presidential office into a personal gym? If someone would answer these questions, maybe our demographic would finally vote.

If you ever turn on cable news, you’ll see that there are roughly 4 million independent polls that are accurate until election. These guys make telemarketers look like drunken college students trying to order Zonies without a credit card.

Their conclusions are indisputable. The most recent poll has Romney getting 45 percent of the French Canadian descendants living on the south side of the street in Des Moines, Iowa. Obama has just 42 percent of the female population that buys indigo-colored eyeliner from Macy’s. No candidate has ever won the election without getting at least 49.643 percent of both demographics.

Let’s look at our candidates, shall we?

In this corner we have the challenger, Mitt Romney — what he lacks in modesty, he makes up for in hair gel. This man is so rich that his tax returns have their own tax bracket. His mad dash to the moderate center was enough to catch even Usain Bolt off guard. Mitt is everything the Republican Party has ever wanted: a rich, white business owner who will do exactly what the party wants.

And in the other corner we have the defending incumbent, Barack “I can’t use my middle name” Obama. This guy picked his last two campaign slogans by throwing darts at motivational posters. Our president has such celebrity status that the going rate for his birth certificate is $5 million. When he runs out of toilet paper, he calls up the National Archives and has them send the Constitution over.

But the choices could be worse. One of Jim Henson’s Muppets —Ron Paul — was running. Donald Trump also considered seeking office because he promised his third ex-wife a new house, and a campaign was cheaper than building a beach house.

No matter what the result, I will pay close attention to Election Night coverage. While playing the drinking game.

Published on November 1, 2012 at 1:57 am