Yoga.

At just the mention of the word, I conjure images of chiseled bodies in painful, pretzel-like positions and incense clouds of the metaphysical persuasion. Embraced by troupes of yuppies and earth children for over 4,000 years, I wondered what was so special about this practice.

To a typical overtired and overstressed college student, however, the yoga concept of ‘leaving the body’ didn’t sound like a bad idea. So when I learned of the free yoga session offered Friday afternoon at the Women’s Building, I spent an hour tearing apart my drawers in search of an acceptable yoga ensemble, then headed off to the gym.

‘Bring on the eccentric stretching and mantra humming, if it can take the edge off,’ I thought.

As it turns out, though, this yoga virgin would have been a lot better off if she had just taken a couple of Advil and a long nap instead. The session, led by Tara Guber and Leah Kalish, co-creators of Yoga Ed., a program that develops Yoga curriculum for elementary students, was meant to spread yoga interest among both students and teachers.

Before beginning, Kalish told each participant to make a goal that would last until the end of the session, such as sustaining awareness or practicing conscious breathing. My goal soon became to maintain my patience with this game of charades.

‘Sit up on the edge of your buttocks,’ said Leah Kalish, the visiting yoga instructor from Los Angeles who dictated the session’s first order of business. After a unison giggle, the class shifted into a sitting position similar to the padmasana, more commonly known as the lotus pose. For a flexible yoga practitioner, the position facilitates expansion of the spinal cord and conscious breathing techniques. For a beginner, this position is comparable to putting one’s torso in a vise.

‘Let your body flow down into the earth,’ Kalish instructed next.

After closing our eyes to become aware of our ‘inner field,’ the class transitioned between a series of stretching poses such as child’s pose, down dog and mountain. The only thing I could pay attention to was my outer field; that is, the earth’s crushing flow of gravity on my body while we tried to hold these awkward positions. I’m not sure what the term ‘mountain’ was supposed to mean, but our sporadic dismounts and lunges rendered me a wet noodle.

Throughout the session, Kalish told us to practice deep breathing exercises in order to de-stress and help the nervous system increase receptivity. Other than the experienced yoga student in front of us who was on the verge of snoring, few people did this. I, for one, found it a bit difficult to think about slow breathing while my legs were wrapped around my neck.

Kalish ended the yoga session with a visualization period in which everyone lay comfortably on their mats, closed their eyes and tried to picture a beautiful setting. Kalish and her assistant attempted to facilitate this process with soothing music and descriptions of a spring day over a microphone. This game of make-believe was the only elevating portion of the session, and it nearly put me to sleep. The soft comments over the microphone turned the yoga class into a hypnotist session. The class parted after a communal chant of ‘Namas Day,’ meaning ‘the light in me is the light in you, and we are the same.’

My experience taught me that yoga amounts to a sugar-coated label for a combination of limb stretches and incantations.

But leaving the gym sore, frustrated and jaded, my experience made me much more in tune with my hostile ‘inner spirit.’ It made me realize that if I want exercise and reflection, I’ll take a walk in the park. If I want to initiate a healthier lifestyle, I’ll eat a salad. And if I need to relax, I’ll try Advil first.

Published on October 17, 2004 at 12:00 pm